I hate my job.
I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job. I hate my job.
There.
Do I feel better?
No.
IhatemyjobIhatemyjobIhatemyjobIhatemyjobIhatemyjob etc.
I could go on like this for a while.
Never underestimate the stupidity of the human race.
I say this because every day, I get out of bed thinking, "Today is going to be a good day - today, I will have no problems." I am Exhibit A of the aforementioned stupidity I mentioned afore. I keep thinking it's going to improve...
I hate to sound like a cynic. I want to be an optimist, really I do. And I am, for about twenty seven minutes every day. Then I meet, talk with, or otherwise encounter, someone else - actually, anyone else. Then all I can think is "how stupid can one person be?"
I'm sure they think the same thing about me.
I should be saving money. But I don't.
I should be investing, buying property, starting a business that will take me out of this stinking, rat-infested pool of humanity they call Los Angeles. But I haven't.
Instead I work for a living - and believe me, I earn every penny they pay me. Because the most important thing I have to do is put up with people. Put on a good front. Reassure others. Tell them it's going to be okay. And all the while I'm thinking to myself, "The sky is falling. Chicken Little was right. We are totally screwed."
Just call me Mr. Sunshine.
Today I received 2 calls at 7am. Calls before 8 o'clock on Monday morning are never good. This is an immutable law. Ed McMahon is not calling your house at 7am on Monday to give you the good news about the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes. I received not 1 call, but 2. Can you say, "Hosed"? I knew you could.
Both calls were about the same thing - just from 2 different people. This is also not a good sign. They both called to tell me a guy had thrown a rock at one of our buildings. Again. Same guy. Same building. Different rocks.
He's done this 5 times in the past 2 weeks. Apparently there's just something about this building that pisses him off. Bad building! (The building is now slinking off in shame and remorse - it must also now get its windows and doors repaired because some low-grade idjit keeps throwing rocks through the glass.)
It is now my job to reassure all employees in the building that we are doing everything possible to secure the building and make it safe for people to continue working there, rather than telling them to do what every sane person in Los Angeles should have done 10-15 years ago and RUN FOR THEIR LIVES!!!! Wait, that didn't sound very reassuring. Let me try again. Of course the building is safe. I've called the Los Angeles Police Department. They'll be getting right on this high-priority case of The Guy Who Is Terrorizing Our Building By Throwing Rocks At It. Hmm. That one's not too strong either. How about this approach - I have now stationed one of our very best private security officers (the one that sometimes stays awake on duty) outside this building, and he is at this very moment providing a topflight level of professionalism and conscientious awareness in protecting our personnel from any untoward events (the roaring sound you hear is cacophonous laughter building to a crescendo in the background).
My fun was just beginning. Next was the report that my staff placed "Welcome" signs in all the right places for incoming guests at a big event this weekend...but forgot to unlock the gates so no one could get in. When my weekend supervisor was called to the scene to resolve the issue, he smoothed things over by getting into a yelling match with the pastor of a neighboring church - the one that uses our parking lot on Sundays as part of our ongoing commitment to community relations. Our Public Affairs Director was quick to point out that one of our employees screaming in public at the local religious leader might be considered something of a conflict of interest in our community development profile. I told her I'd look into it.
I'd like to say my day got better from there. I'd like to say that. Unfortunately, the rest of my day was filled with...people. My systems coordinator required approximately an hour of 'discussion' to get the message that the 27 emails he sends me on an average day, at a length of 2-3 pages per email (you probably think I'm exaggerating), are perhaps a bit much. I didn't even raise my voice - remarkable considering I've had this conversation with him on at least 4 previous occasions - fairly direct ones I might add. I watched in wonder as he tried to digest the fact that I have neither time nor inclination to review the details of his every waking moment at work, because, and I know this came as a shock to him, I actually have work of my own to do...in the end, he listened carefully to what I had to say, nodding and saying "I understand" multiple times. Tomorrow, I'll be editing emails with a chainsaw.
These were just the highlights - there were at least six other examples of deeply ingrained idiocy running rampant among my staff, and at the end of the day, I came to a conclusion...
I'm paying these people too much.
It's true. I've finally become the boss I always hated. The one that says "Why should I pay you more money when you're nothing but a millstone around my neck? When you stop being a stone jackass 100% of the time, I'll consider giving you a raise."
I feel defeated. I've spent the better part of my adult life believing that although discipline and correction are necessary (and I've had to hand out my fair share of both as a manager), if you motivate people with encouragement, provide them with support, commend them for honest effort, give them direction and then let them complete tasks without getting in their way, they'll respond with natural enthusiasm and a desire to do their very best. After careful review of the situation, I've now come to the conclusion that I'm a hopeless nit who hasn't got a clue how things work in the real world. I'm now at the point where I'm convinced the only way to get anything done in the business world is to fall back on the tried-and-true method of Management By Screaming At People and Threatening Them with Their Lives if They Don't Do What I Tell Them Immediately.
Can't wait to go to work tomorrow...
