I just had my ass handed to me - it wasn't pretty.
I just finished a conversation with a man who is much smarter than I am - a fact which really aggravates me to have to admit in print - I'm a pure egotist at heart.
We were talking about women - actually we started by talking about women, then he switched on me and started talking about "life" (classic sales move - start them with something they're interested in, then upsell them by convincing them they need something even more important - and expensive - I shoulda known better). And at some point in the conversation, a light flashed on above my head - I have to believe I'm good enough in order to get the things I want most. No great revelation right? Except I've been struggling with how to create the right mentality for success (seeing as how the mentality I've got has me earning more money but having nothing more in the bank, spending more on rent, and getting more admiration from others but having no more satisfaction from it or real connection than ever before).
I finally got a glimpse of how people change their lives. How they transform their body, their money, their love life, their family, their career. The show on the telly is titled "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" but the reality that we keep missing (or at least I seem to) is "What if I already am?" I've got to believe I exist solely for the purpose of providing value to the lives of the people I encounter, and that value is so important I actually harm the people I don't share my life with.
Huh. Who knew?
I always figured I was bothering people. There's a not-so-still, fairly large voice in my head saying "don't bug that person" every time I start to consider engaging them in conversation. I'm talking about strangers now - at least for the most part. The thought process becomes: if I don't have anything extremely entertaining, deeply profound, or exceptionally unusual to say or do, it's best just to shut the f--- up. Needless to say, I spend a lot of time not talking (those who know me may protest loudly on this one, but those who know me best probably know exactly what I'm saying).
What if I'm already a millionaire? What if I already have everything I possibly need to be wildly happy and successful? What if I have been placed on this earth specifically to encourage others to live fully and fulfill their destiny to the absolute best of their ability? What if I'm not supposed to be a cynic? What if underachieving isn't really my middle name? What if I'd actually be happier with a wife and a family instead of alone and - well, alone? Strange stuff.
Okay. So now I'm a millionaire. Now I'm healthy, happy, functional. Now what?
Nobody ever prepared me for this.
