My mentor asked me to write about what would be fulfilling - what the experience would be like.
He asked me to write about this weeks ago, and it shows the level of my disillusionment - or exhaustion - that I finally had to wake up at 3am this morning to write about it. Not because I'm motivated, but because I can't go back to sleep.
This seems like the opposite of fulfilling - for more on the opposite of fulfilling, read the previous post "Swimming with Sharks" - which could have been titled "Why I'll never make it in the corporate world".
So.
What does fulfilling look like?
I think we'll stay with the "Opposite" frame of reference (makes me think of the Friends episode where Joey and Chandler get into an Opposite contest, with Joey going 'opposite' on Chandler and wearing every single piece of Chandler's clothing at once -- sans underwear - if you saw that episode, you're laughing right now, and if you didn't see it, you definitely had to be there...).
The opposite of where I am right now would be - married, with kids and a house, not in a neighborhood that could charitably be described as 'urban'. Working for myself - not in the corporate world. A minimum of paperwork. Using my communication skills to inspire or at worst entertain - preferably both - rather than to defend myself or skewer some other poor dumb bastard before he skewers me - did I mention how much fun I am at work? Living outside of the city - and having the means to get away from it whenever I want - not tied to my job.
I've always dreamed of freedom - financial freedom certainly, but more like freedom to explore, travel, experience more of the world, spend time getting to know people, doing interesting things, learning about life and what makes people tick. Working with people who are motivated by Contribution, Creativity, and Compassion, not Conflict, Conspiracy, and Competition.
Owning a Harley. Having time with my family and friends. Having the energy to do the fun things I used to do before I got tired surviving the corporate wars - which is all anyone does where I work - survive.
Fulfillment would look like making a contribution - touching people's lives, helping them get where they need/want to go. Encouraging them, giving them direction, knowledge, support. Pushing them to live better, grow, mature.
Alex, my mentor, told me last week to trust God. Trust is not one of my strong points - especially in the whole God conversation. My history of trusting God has been a bit...dodgy. So I'm not sure what that looks like. On the other hand, trusting myself hasn't been a bed of roses either.
But I like the whole fulfillment idea.
If I could only get some sleep...
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